The Addiction of Prayer.

The Addiction of Prayer.


" a photograph of the garden of the spirit........."
” a photograph of the garden of the spirit………”

I wonder sometimes if I have any idea of what is going on when I pray.  This is especially true when lapsing into God’s presence I find myself tumbling, as if in a washing machine,  (or, often, in a clothes drier) in muddied waters or arid confusion.  I try to settle down and wait, sit it out or walk it off, for as long as it takes.  I do nothing other than be: helpless and trusting that there is more to prayer than this.

I know I have had rewards in the past, little miracles, touches of love and moments of pure grace.  These intermittent rewards keep drawing me on, promising more.  And always, I keep on hoping for more, addicted to the glimpses of light I have seen.

Journeying on in search of "The glimses of light I have seen"
Journeying on in search of “The glimpses of light I have seen”

A Reading of R.S. Thomas, “Somewhere”


R.S. Thomas is a poet who, for me, makes twilight wordfalls, which generate faint illuminations and direct my inner sight to the deeper world within.  This poem, “Somewhere” loosens within me the knottedness of my prayer life and seems to speak of this obsessive journey for the “one light”, possibly the only addiction we need.


Something to bring back to show

you have been there: a lock of God’s

hair, stolen from him while he was

asleep; a photograph of the garden

of the spirit. As has been said,

the point of travelling is not

to arrive, but to return home

laden with pollen you shall work up

into the honey the mind feeds on.


What are our lives but harbours

we are continually setting out

from, airports at which we touch

down and remain in too briefly

to recognise what it is they remind

us of? And always in one

another we seek the proof

of experiences it would be worth dying for.


Surely there is a shirt of fire

this one wore, that is hung up now

like some rare fleece in the hall of heroes?

Surely these husbands and wives

have dipped their marriages in a fast

spring? Surely there exists somewhere,

as the justification for our looking for it,

the one light that can cast such shadows.

"The one light that can cast such shadows".
“The one light that can cast such shadows”.